Memories

by

Regina Williams

     Paul picked up a flat stone, gauging the weight in the palm of his hand. “How many times you think this one will skip?” he said to no one in particular.

     “Not once, dummy,” Adam said. Long, slender fingers combed through curly black hair. “You ain’t made one skip all morning.”

     Paul grinned, glanced over at his friend and tossed the rock. Two, three times it hopped across the surface of the water. “Last one’s always a charm,” he said, still grinning.

     Adam scowled at him, turned, and with a wild rebel yell, cannonballed off the limestone rock into the murky, quarry pool.

     Water splashed up and over Lanny, sprawled naked on the rock. He jerked up in shock. “Watch it, you asshole.”

     Adam mimicked his friend, then swam away. Turning on his back in the middle of the pool, he floated, humming a silly tune.  Lanny lay back and closed his eyes.

     The August sun blazed in the mid-afternoon sky. Not a cloud marred the periwinkle blue surface and the air was graveyard still, a perfect, peaceful place to wile away a lazy afternoon.

     Paul stood a few feet away from Lanny. How in the devil could he stand lying there so exposed to the volcanic blast both from the sun and the stored heat in the rock? The three of them had been friends since kindergarten, sharing everything from video games to trouble. When one was grounded, the other two stayed close to home as well. Nothing was much fun if all three couldn’t participate.

     His dad said they were all worthless bums, destined to live out their lives in mundane jobs, but Paul knew better. All three of them had plans. Big plans. Soon as they graduated high school, they were leaving this hick Arkansas town, heading for bigger and better things. He wanted to leave, to prove his old man wrong, yet he dreaded it as well.

     This was the ideal time of his life and he was smart enough to know it. The only things that mattered right now was grades, girls and whether Paul’s old Mustang would run long enough to get them to the quarry or their dates home on time. But it would come to an end soon enough and they would have to join the adult world filled with responsibilities and concerns.

     In three years, they’d graduate, leave this place and probably lose touch. He squinted into the sun. To never see them again... A feeling of loneliness rolled over him. How many times in future years would these days come back to him? These lazy, carefree summer afternoons with his best friends? How many times would he long to be back, right here, his buddies a few feet away?

     “Hey, Paul,” Adam yelled. “Get your sorry carcass in here. The water’s fine, man. Lanny, better get up. You gonna burn something you wish you hadn’t.” His laughter echoed off the carved rock face of the quarry.

     Adam and Lanny. As different as night and day. Adam was the smart one, always had his nose in a book. He reminded Paul of Dumbo with those big ears of his. His only redeeming quality was his curly black hair and eyes so brown they looked black. But people smiled the minute Adam walked into a room. He was the life of any party. Lanny, on the other hand was the brooding one. When he looked at you from under his brows, Paul often wondered what deep thoughts he was thinking. Lanny was the ladies man of the three. His blonde, blue eyed good looks kept him in high demand with the girls at school, plus a couple of college co-eds he’d happened to meet in Little Rock a few weeks ago.

     Paul slipped out of his t-shirt, wishing he had one or more qualities of either boy. Even Adam’s big ears didn’t seem so bad if people would light up at the very sight of him. He was average. Average brown hair, average height, average weight, average looks. Not one thing about him stood out. He grinned inwardly, well maybe he didn’t stand out, but he had two good friends and when with them, he felt ten feet tall. He sounded his own version of the rebel yell and took a long, sweeping dive, down, down, down into the ice cold water. No matter how hot it got on the surface, the depths of the pool stayed frigid.

     His dad had once worked at the rock crusher when he was a young boy. The company had gone belly up and abandoned everything as it sat. Rusted machinery sat like stone sentinels around the quarry rim and over the years, water had collected in the deep depression and made a first class swimming hole for the locals. Coming up, he sputtered, his skin dotted with goose flesh.

     “Next time one of you yahoos barrel off this rock and soak me, I’m gonna kick some serious butt,” Lanny muttered.

     “Ah, come on, Lanny,” Adam said. “What the hell you laying out in that heat for anyway?”

     “Trying to get a tan, dummy. What you think I’m doing?”

     “Blistering sensitive parts, is what I think,” Adam said, chuckling.

     “You’re just jealous, amigo,” Lanny said standing up. He stretched, then dived off the rock as silent as a snake slithering through the grass. He surfaced, grabbed Adam by the shoulders and pulled him under.

     Paul watched the two of them wrestling in the water. God, but he would miss this. He swam toward the still tussling boys, chiding himself for a fool. They still had three great years ahead of them to spend out here. Stop thinking it over and enjoy it while you can idiot, he said to himself as he joined in the fray.

###

     Three years slipped by so fast they hardly realized it was gone until they were walking across the stage floor, reaching for their diplomas. Next week Lanny was headed to Parris Island in South Carolina to begin his Marine training. Adam was going to South Florida to college for a degree in marine biology, and he himself was leaving in two weeks for a month long work program in Yellowstone before he started forestry school.

     After the ceremony they fought their way clear of family and well-wishers, other classmates and headed for the quarry. One last hurrah before they split up. Lanny brought a twelve pack of beer and they sat on the limestone rock, drinking and talking.

     “Lanny, I sure wish you hadn’t joined the Marines. Fighting terrorists ain’t gonna be easy,” Paul said. “You’re liable to get your butt shot off.”

     “Hey,” Lanny said, “I’m gonna watch this pretty little butt. Gotta bring it back to Gloria one of these days.” He paused, “You know,” he said, his voice tinged with disbelief, “She said she’d wait for me no matter how long it took for me to get this is military stuff out of my system.” He took a long swig of beer, belched, and said, “And you know, I think she’s just crazy enough to mean it.”

     “Yeah,” Adam said, “well, you damn well better come home, man. Five years from now, that pretty little butt better be at O’Neill’s in New York City. We got plans, man.”

     Paul grabbed another beer, opened it and listened to the conversation. Lanny’s rash decision to join the Marines worried him. He heard on the news every day about some poor slob coming home in a body bag. Not Lanny, please God, not Lanny.

     “Yeah, well being in the Marines ain’t no more dangerous than swimming with sharks for God’s sake,” Lanny said. “You lost your mind, or what? I knew you had this obsession with those cold-eyed s.o.b.’s, but studying them, in their natural habitat? Damn, I’d rather face a whole truck-load of terrorist than one man eating shark.”

     “You’re both crazy,” Paul said, flipping the empty beer can toward the cooler.

     “We’re crazy?” Lanny laughed. “Maybe so, but I’ll bet we’ll both be around to sing at your funeral. Anybody stupid enough to walk into a blazing forest fire can’t throw stones, buddy.”

###

     Paul stood on the sidewalk in front of O’Neill’s. If they didn’t show up soon, he’d have to leave. His transfer to Yosemite had come through and he was waiting for a flight out in four hours.

     “Paul!”

     Paul turned and watched Adam heading his way, a big smile on his face. “Man, it’s good to see you,” he said, grabbing Paul in a bear hug. The years had been good to Adam. He’d filled out; his once white skin a golden brown. Even his ears seemed smaller.

     “It’s good to see you too,” Paul said returning the hug. “Heard you had a close call in Australia. We told you them old boys bite.”

     Adam gave him a sheepish grin, pulled up his pants leg, revealing an angry red scar encircling his calf. “Yep, the old devil about had me for supper.” His smile vanished, “It was close.”

     “Glad that’s all it was,” Paul said, throwing his arm around his friend. “You heard from Lanny?”

     “Not since about three weeks ago. Got his letter saying he was putting in for his leave so he could meet us here. He’s in London, guarding some big-wig. Haven’t heard anything since. He’ll be here. Come on, let’s belly up to the bar and wait on him. I’m as thirsty as a beached whale.”

     Paul smiled and led his friend into the bar. It had been a long five years and he had counted down the months until this moment. Sometimes at night when the wolves were howling at the moon, one answering the other, Paul got so homesick for his friends and the lazy summer afternoons at the quarry, his stomach ached. In a few short minutes, they would be together again and he couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off his face.

     “So, other than almost being shark bait,” he said when they’d ordered their drinks, “what else is going on with you?”

     “Well, you knew I got married.”

     Paul nodded.

     “You ain’t gonna believe this, man, but I’m gonna be a daddy!”

     “Really?” Paul slapped him on the back. “Hey bartender, bring us another round. We’re celebrating here.” He turned back to Adam. “That’s great, just great.” Adam a father. It was hard to imagine his friend as a family man. All he could think of was the wild man dancing like a lunatic at their senior prom and making everyone laugh. To think of the same guy as a husband and father was a hard thing.

     “What about you? Said in your last letter you hadn’t had time for much of anything but work. No girl? No impending wedding bells on the horizon?”

     “Hell, no.” He paused, grinned, and went on, “Well, there was this one little gal up in Yellowstone.” He shrugged. “We’ll see.” Claire was her name and they had met a couple of weeks after his arrival for the work program. They’d spent the summer practically attached at the hip. When he’d left, he promised her he’d come back. By the tone of her letters, she was till there, still waiting, just like Gloria was waiting for Lanny. He’d been instantly bowled over by her raven hair and brown eyes. They had good times together, and he was pretty sure he loved her, but before he’d left, she’d already started complaining about his habit of zoning out. At those times, he was thinking of his buddies so far away. How did friendships become so important? He couldn’t seem to let go of the past and concentrate on the future. He counted the days until he met Adam and Lanny in New York.

     He’d berated himself on more than one occasion for clinging so tightly to a disappearing childhood. He also wondered what kind of man he was to love those friends so much. He knew he wasn’t gay or anything like that, but they meant the world to him and he was finding it difficult to have a life without them in it.

     The bartender turned on the TV to CNN News. It blared while Paul and Adam caught up on each other’s lives. A couple of words caught Paul’s attention and he turned to face the TV.

     Lanny’s face stared back at him. In his dress blues, Lanny had turned into one handsome man. “…was killed today in a car bomb just outside the U. S. Embassy in London…”

     Paul didn’t hear the rest of it. He turned slowly to Adam, who had the same shell-shocked look he was sure mirrored his own. Lanny.  Dammit to hell. Not Lanny…

###

     They went home for the funeral. Gloria, true to her word had waited on Lanny to get the military stuff out of his system. Well, it was sure as hell out now. He and Adam arrived in time for the service, cried on each other’s shoulder, promised to get together next year and have some fun. They left as soon as Lanny was lowered into the cold, dark hole.

     Neither was in the mood to visit their old place at the quarry. Adam wanted to hurry home to the impending birth of his son and Paul had a new job waiting for him as soon as he could get there.

     The get-together was cancelled. Adam’s luck ran out when a Great White off the coast of Australia practically swallowed him whole. His son was only a year old. Adam’s wife called Paul and once again he made the trek home to bury the last link to his hometown. There was no reason to ever go back. Both his parents and now his best buddies were a permanent fixture of Washington County cemetery.

     He said goodbye to his hometown for the last time and drove away without a backward glance. He hadn’t had the chance to tell Adam that he and Claire were getting married.  

###

     Retired Forest Ranger Paul Miller stepped out of the car. The quarry had grown up so much he wasn’t sure he was in the right place. Then he saw the limestone rock and smiled. He was home.

     He walked out onto the rock and slowly lowered himself in his favorite spot. Burn scars radiated down both arms and across the lower portion of his face, down his neck and onto his chest. He looked like hell and he knew it. But he had his memories.

     Closing his eyes, he could almost hear Adam’s high-pitched voice yelling at Lanny to get out of the sun before he burnt something he didn’t want to burn and Lanny’s response to kick some butt if they didn’t stop splashing him. Memory upon memory flooded his mind until tears coursed down his age-worn, disfigured cheeks.

     He’d been right all those years ago. He still missed them after all this time and the pain of their deaths was as fresh today as it was thirty years ago. Lying in the hospital bed month after month, they came to him often, laughing and joking as they had when they were young, but they were always just out of reach…

     “You know boys, we were pretty damn stupid back then.” He opened a can of beer, took a long swallow and belched. “We all thought we could save the world in one way or the other. We didn’t accomplish shit, man. Lanny, you died trying to protect an asshole that couldn’t hold a candle to you, buddy. Adam, hell, I don’t know what you were trying to save, but look what it got you--a widow and a fatherless son. Was it worth it? Well, was it?”

     He shook his head. “And look at me, boys. I tried to save a small piece of the world and just like you, Adam, it chewed me up and spit me out. Only problem is--I lived to regret it. Hell, even Claire couldn’t stand the sight of me, burned like I was. Course I did kinda treat her mean during that time. Just didn’t seem fair she was there and you boys weren’t.” He sighed. “I should’ve let you rest in peace a long time ago, but you guys were the most important people in my life. How was I supposed to let go?”

     He chuckled, a dry mirthless sound, “You should see me now. I look like a damn side of pork someone forgot and left on the grill too long. Now, boys, with Claire gone, all I got are memories.” He took another drink. “Maybe ya’ll were the lucky ones. At least you ain’t having to live with the mistakes.” A fat tear rolled down one cheek. “You ain’t left with no hopes, no dreams and nowhere to go.”

     Swiping at his face with a scarred hand, he reached behind him, picked up a can of cold beer, opened it and raised it toward the cloudless periwinkle sky.  “Here’s to you, Adam, Lanny. You guys wait for me, dammit. I’ll be there real soon. Find us a cool stream, a cold six-pack and a warm rock.” He took a drink, choking it past the pain.

     As he drove away, memories trailed along behind him, attached and forever there. He yearned to be back, lying on the rocks, floating in the water with his two best friends enjoying a lazy, carefree summer afternoon. 

     The car stuttered to a stop as he jammed on the brakes. Turning the car, he drove back, and stared at the rock for a long time, tears clouding his vision. Finally, he reached over, opened the glove box and reached for the sub-nose .38.